{"id":349,"date":"2023-03-20T05:01:12","date_gmt":"2023-03-19T23:31:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/scotlandescort.co.uk\/blog\/its-due-to-people-pleasing\/"},"modified":"2023-03-20T05:01:12","modified_gmt":"2023-03-19T23:31:12","slug":"its-due-to-people-pleasing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/scotlandescort.co.uk\/blog\/its-due-to-people-pleasing\/","title":{"rendered":"It&#8217;s Due to People Pleasing"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> [ad_1]<br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<p>Something many of us find baffling is painful, sucky, one-sided relationships that, despite resenting our mistreatment by the other party, we find it challenging to create healthier boundaries and distance and\/or cut ties. It\u2019s all too easy to judge ourselves for still being there. We might decide that we\u2019re a \u201cdoormat\u201d, \u201clacking courage\u201d, or just a \u201cglutton for punishment\u201d. To be clear, it\u2019s none of these things. The answer to why we\u2019re still there lies in recognising our style of people pleasing.<\/p>\n<p>In my book,\u00a0<em><a rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.baggagereclaim.co.uk\/joy-of-saying-no-book\/\">The Joy of Saying No<\/a><\/em>\u00a0(out Jan 2023 HarperCollins\/Harper Horizon), I break down the five styles of people pleasing\u2013gooding, efforting, avoiding, saving, and suffering.\u00a0<\/p>\n<h4 id=\"h-if-you-re-struggling-to-create-healthier-boundaries-or-distance-or-step-away\">If you\u2019re struggling to create healthier boundaries or distance or step away\u2026.<\/h4>\n<ul>\n<li>It might be <a rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.baggagereclaim.co.uk\/podcast-ep-214-we-dont-need-to-put-so-much-bandwidth-into-keeping-up-appearances\/\">important for you to look a certain way to people<\/a>, and the idea of <a rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.baggagereclaim.co.uk\/podcast-ep-151-why-dont-they-like-me\/\">not being liked doesn\u2019t sit well with you<\/a>. Instead, you\u00a0<strong>focus on conveying an image and getting the other person to accept and validate it<\/strong>\u00a0with changed behaviour. This mentality is a sign of the\u00a0<em>gooding<\/em>\u00a0style of people pleasing.\u00a0<\/li>\n<li>You might be someone whose\u00a0<strong><a rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.baggagereclaim.co.uk\/giving-100-percent-effort-all-the-time-is-a-boundary-and-bandwidth-issue\/\">solution to pretty much any problem is to \u201ctry harder\u201d<\/a><\/strong>. Or you might find it tricky to step away when you believe you\u2019ve made a lot of effort. You want <a rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.baggagereclaim.co.uk\/knowing-when-to-fold-bad-investments-in-relationships-seeing-the-bigger-picture\/\">return on investment<\/a>. Your people-pleasing style is likely\u00a0<em>efforting<\/em>.\u00a0<\/li>\n<li>Part of why you might be at this juncture in the relationship is that you\u2019ve\u00a0<strong>avoided confronting something or expressing who you are.<\/strong>\u00a0If you\u2019re someone who uses going out of their way to avoid conflict, criticism and disappointment to try to \u201cplease\u201d others or you fear being or doing anything that makes others even slightly uncomfortable, your pleaser style is\u00a0<em>avoiding.<\/em><\/li>\n<li>You might\u00a0<strong>think that how you help, support and give are signs of being a Good Person<\/strong>\u00a0and that drawing your line is the antithesis of that. You don\u2019t want to be someone who \u201cabandons\u201d people in their time of need (even if the \u201cneed\u201d is inappropriate or exploitative). This is a sign of the\u00a0<em>saving<\/em>\u00a0style of people pleasing.\u00a0<\/li>\n<li>It could be that you\u2019ve\u00a0<strong>internalised the idea that\u00a0<em>suffering<\/em>\u00a0is a sign of goodnes<\/strong>s. In reality, it\u2019s a style of people pleasing. There may be a part of you that thinks that whatever you\u2019ve endured will create a tipping point where the other party finally decides to come good and reward your suffering.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p> <iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/natalielue.substack.com\/embed\" width=\"480\" height=\"320\" style=\"border:1px solid #EEE; background:white;\" frameborder=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<h3>Are you about how things\u00a0<em>look<\/em>\u00a0and being liked; effort, being the Best, and giving it your \u201call\u201d; avoiding confrontation and discomfort; helping, supporting and giving because you need to be needed, or falling on your sword with suffering to prove yourself and draw attention to needs?<\/h3>\n<p>While you might identify with more than one people-pleasing style, one will dominate when you acknowledge what drives you, including your primary concerns and motivations. <\/p>\n<p>When we people-please, we\u2019re stuck in false identities, including <a rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.baggagereclaim.co.uk\/podcast-ep-128-roles-i-want-to-break-free\/\">playing roles<\/a>. <\/p>\n<p>As a result, we find it difficult, when unaware of our people pleasing and how to cut back, to <a rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.baggagereclaim.co.uk\/to-stop-feeling-stuck-after-a-breakup-you-will-need-to-grieve-your-old-identity\/\">be or do anything that\u00a0<em>contradicts<\/em>\u00a0our identit<\/a>y. So, for instance, we\u2019re afraid to be a Bad Person or Someone Who Gives Up or Doesn\u2019t Make an Effort.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>As a result, we may well be sick to the back teeth of a situation but feel like we\u2019re being \u201cbad\u201d, \u201cselfish\u201d, \u201cdifficult\u201d, \u201cdisloyal\u201d, and the like by saying no, creating limits, and being and taking care of ourselves.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Recognising people pleasing in our relationships and the mentality that blocks us from acting from a place of self-care allows us to acknowledge what\u2019s\u00a0<em>really<\/em>\u00a0going on. When we recognise the roles we play and the driver behind our people pleasing, we can begin liberating ourselves from relationships, situations and dynamics that harm instead of love us. We can recognise the conditioning of the past and choose healthier boundaries of love, care, trust, and respect.\u00a0<\/p>\n<h6 class=\"has-white-background-color has-background\"><em><a rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.baggagereclaim.co.uk\/joy-of-saying-no-book\/\">The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Pleasing, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want<\/a><\/em> (Harper Horizon\/HarperCollins) is out now and available in bookshops on and offline. <a rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.baggagereclaim.co.uk\/podcast-ep-274-listen-to-a-chapter-from-the-joy-of-saying-no\/\">Listen to the first chapter<\/a>.<\/h6>\n<p><span class=\"wpfp-span\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.baggagereclaim.co.uk\/wp-content\/plugins\/wp-favorite-posts\/img\/heart.png\" alt=\"Favorite\" title=\"Favorite\" class=\"wpfp-img\"\/><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.baggagereclaim.co.uk\/wp-content\/plugins\/wp-favorite-posts\/img\/loading.gif\" alt=\"Loading\" title=\"Loading\" class=\"wpfp-hide wpfp-img\"\/><a rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"wpfp-link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.baggagereclaim.co.uk\/why-we-dont-leave-painful-and-sucky-situations-its-due-to-people-pleasing\/?wpfpaction=add&amp;postid=113391\" title=\"Add to favorites\">Add to favorites<\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<p><script type=\"text\/plain\" data-service=\"facebook\" data-category=\"marketing\">!function(f,b,e,v,n,t,s)if(f.fbq)return;n=f.fbq=function()n.callMethod?\nn.callMethod.apply(n,arguments):n.queue.push(arguments);\nif(!f._fbq)f._fbq=n;n.push=n;n.loaded=!0;n.version='2.0';\nn.queue=[];t=b.createElement(e);t.async=!0;\nt.src=v;s=b.getElementsByTagName(e)[0];\ns.parentNode.insertBefore(t,s)(window, document,'script',\n'https:\/\/connect.facebook.net\/en_US\/fbevents.js');\nfbq('init', '278140370620533');\nfbq('track', 'PageView');<\/script><script data-service=\"facebook\" data-category=\"marketing\" type=\"text\/plain\">!function(f,b,e,v,n,t,s)if(f.fbq)return;n=f.fbq=function()n.callMethod?\nn.callMethod.apply(n,arguments):n.queue.push(arguments);if(!f._fbq)f._fbq=n;\nn.push=n;n.loaded=!0;n.version='2.0';n.queue=[];t=b.createElement(e);t.async=!0;\nt.src=v;s=b.getElementsByTagName(e)[0];s.parentNode.insertBefore(t,s)(window,\ndocument,'script','https:\/\/connect.facebook.net\/en_US\/fbevents.js');<\/script><br \/>\n<br \/>[ad_2]<br \/>\n<br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/www.baggagereclaim.co.uk\/why-we-dont-leave-painful-and-sucky-situations-its-due-to-people-pleasing\/\">Source link <\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>[ad_1] Something many of us find baffling is painful, sucky, one-sided relationships that, despite resenting our mistreatment by the other party, we [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":346,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[21],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-349","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adult-dating"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v27.5 (Yoast SEO v27.7) - 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