[ad_1]
\n<\/p>\n
It\u2019s tricky when we find ourselves wanting to get out of something we\u2019ve agreed to. We don\u2019t like letting people down and feeling like we\u2019re \u201cflaky\u201d or \u201clazy\u201d.<\/a> Side note: we\u2019re not.\u00a0<\/p>\n If you need to get out something you\u2019ve agreed to, it\u2019s typically because:<\/strong><\/p>\n It\u2019s easy to judge yourself for \u201creneging\u201d on an agreement, but you\u2019re human. Sometimes we humans belatedly realise that we don\u2019t need or want to do something we\u2019ve already agreed to.\u00a0<\/p>\n It\u2019s also possible that you\u2019re a people pleaser, especially if having to get out of things happens on the regular. Your people pleasing includes being afraid of disappointing or angering the person, or fear of looking like a Bad Person. Keep in mind that we are socialised and conditioned from early childhood to be people pleasers<\/a>. We also learn shameful messages that effectively force us to \u201cpush on\u201d and \u201cgo ahead\u201d to look like Good People.\u00a0<\/p>\n Don\u2019t dick them around and keep leading them to believe you\u2019re still going ahead when you aren\u2019t. Don\u2019t keep avoiding them in the hope they\u2019ll get the message. If possible, communicate via the original mode of communication from when they asked you. Texts, while they seem like the easy way to dodge conflict and confrontation, are major sources of miscommunication. Be honest, but don\u2019t feel the need to tell them your life story. Cut to the chase.<\/p>\n This is where saying \u201cI hold my hands up\u2026\u201d <\/em>comes in very handy. e.g.\u00a0I hold my hands up and\u00a0admit that I\u2019ve\u00a0overcommitted myself.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n With the benefit of hindsight, I shouldn\u2019t have answered on the spot and needed to check in with my schedule and what\u2019s on plate.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Now that I understand what\u2019s involved, this isn\u2019t my skill set.\u00a0<\/em>Or,\u00a0Now that I understand what\u2019s involved, I know I\u2019m not the right person for this.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n When I agreed to this, you\u2019d said it was X, but now it\u2019s<\/em> Y. As a result, I\u2019m not going to be able to do [what I agreed to].<\/em><\/p>\n I know you might feel bad about having to let someone down. Still, if you milk the apology dry, it will be the other party that winds up feeling bad<\/a>. Generally speaking, it\u2019s likely that what you\u2019re saying no to really isn\u2019t that deep. Sure, you have to get out of doing something you agreed to, but it\u2019s not a crime. Contrary to popular opinion, you\u2019re also not hurting the person\u2019s feelings by saying no<\/a>. Apologise for overcommitting (or whatever),\u00a0not<\/em>\u00a0for saying no.\u00a0Don\u2019t<\/em>\u00a0shame yourself for saying no or for having to retract what you agreed to.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n
So, how do you get out of something you\u2019ve agreed to?<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Be honest.<\/strong><\/h3>\n
Apologise if needed. But don\u2019t over-egg it (or beat yourself up).<\/strong><\/h3>\n
Say what you\u00a0can<\/em>\u00a0do, if applicable.\u00a0<\/strong><\/h3>\n