Today peeking into the jaws of the lion, we have Mariana, 34, a publishing rights manager, and Oliver, 32, an account manager at a creative agency.<\/p>\n
Two creative-adjacent people dressed like they\u2019re rushing off to a French grammar plenary lecture in 1997.<\/p>\n Read the full details of what happened on the date on the Guardian website<\/a> (I always miss some out here for time and boredom reasons) and then return like a hero from the war, or the supermarket, so we can gently pick apart everything they say for reasons still unclear to me after all these years.<\/p>\n Mariana might be a bit young to have served at the dating coalface that was Guardian Soulmates (RIP). Where do other Guardian readers meet each other if not there, or here? Protests? Farm shops? Ottolenghi? Fascinating. Maybe once David Attenborough is done touring the \u2018wild isles\u2019, he can take a look.<\/p>\n Oh, not the spark. The dreaded flash of flint. We place far too many expectations on a spark, although it is a brilliant way to dump someone you\u2019ve maybe shagged a couple of times. \u2018I just don\u2019t feel a spark,\u2019 you text, from your work phone, while you superlike every single person under 35 on Tinder on your own phone (which has a cracked screen and needs charging four times a day).<\/p>\n If you arrive five minutes early you are ON TIME. If you arrive at the allotted meeting time, you are LATE. I\u2019ll let you off if you have anxiety, mobility issues, live on the northern line (High Barnet branch), or spent ten minutes with your face pressed up against the window of a former Paperchase, mourning all the \u00a317 notebooks you will now never have the chance to buy.<\/p>\n How London is the best city in the world<\/strong> \u2013 Is it? I used to think this. Do I still think this? Yes, I probably do. I am never bored by it. I am often annoyed at it, especially when I have no money coming in or I\u2019m flat hunting, but I still can\u2019t believe I get to live here, after 20 years. I go cycling round the parks most weekends, and last weekend I was beetling round Hyde Park at about 8 in the morning and it was like I imagine RELIGIOUS experiences must be.<\/p>\n The greatness of ABBA\/music<\/strong> \u2705\u00a0\u2013 Agreed. \u2018Lay All Your Love on Me\u2019 is my favourite. The ABBA Voyage thing is great \u2013 you should go if you can.<\/p>\n Cost of living<\/strong> \u2013 I am so sick of talking about it, but it feels treacherous, somehow, doesn\u2019t it, to be sick of talking about it, like it\u2019s a denial of privilege to have the headspace to move onto something else. I got my energy bill last week and was quite pleased to see it wasn\u2019t as astronomical as I\u2019d feared, before I realised that to achieve this I have sat working under two blankets \u2013 one wrapped round my shoulders like I\u2019m waiting for the creel boats to come in at Arbroath in 1758 \u2013 and the tip of my nose has not known warmth or sensation since early November.<\/p>\n Something about an Ezra Collective gig<\/strong> \u2013 I\u2019m not googling. I\u2019m sorry. That\u2019s extra.<\/p>\n Work\/football\/travel<\/strong> \u2013 The triumvirate of dull.<\/p>\n Swimming in cold water<\/strong> \u2013 For some reason I find hilarious this way of saying \u2018cold water swimming\u2019 \u2013 an activity long beloved of Guardian readers and long derided by anyone else too lazy to actually do it. \u2018Swimming in cold water\u2019 sounds more like someone doing the crawl in an inflatable pool in a back garden in Ashby-de-la-Zouch\u00a0than bravely wading into a glassy lake on the Scottish Borders suggested by \u2018cold water swimming\u2019.<\/p>\n You know Mariana must\u2019ve been desperate if she brought up politics, or maybe she had her suspicions. Might I suggest that if you\u2019re worried someone you might be interested in is more left-wing than you and it might cause issues, try\u2026 being less right-wing? Y\u2019know, generally?<\/p>\n Your friends\u2019 \u2018energy\u2019? Are they ghosts? Or oil-filled radiators? Or do you mean they\u2019re annoying?<\/p>\n FRIENDLY<\/strong>, like a dog in a park who wants someone, anyone<\/em>, to throw a stick; it doesn\u2019t have to be a big stick, or thrown too far, just chuck a stick already someone, I\u2019m a dog, I have needs. STYLISH<\/strong>, like a Parisian woman draining a gravy-thick coffee, smoking Gitanes Brunes, and watching her poodle, defecate before scooping up the mess with a vintage copy of Vogue<\/em> and handing it to a waiter \u2013 without making eye contact. What\u2019s great here is that Mariana is SO obsessed with east London \u2013 which part exactly, and why, I mean, it\u2019s great, but\u2026 what do you mean? \u2013 that she assumes this is her most obvious trait, but it seems Oliver hasn\u2019t really noticed \u2013 although it does get mentioned in a question I can\u2019t be bothered analysing because I\u2019ve still got my exercises to do after I\u2019ve finished this and I\u2019m hungry.<\/p>\n And, well done, Oliver she did think you were friendly.<\/p>\n A polite hug. Chests and cheeks not actually touching, then. Suitable.<\/p>\n THIRD week in a row someone has done this. What the hell is going on? Why are you here? You are taking up space. You didn\u2019t fancy him, fine, that\u2019s allowed, just drop your 6 or, if that\u2019s too mean, your 7 and move on. We all know what the real score is anyway. Right, I\u2019m assuming this is a 2, so I\u2019ll give you that score.<\/p>\n Oliver?<\/p>\n There we go. That\u2019s how we do it. I\u2019m guessing this is also a 2. Well done everyone.<\/p>\n Ah, the spark clause has been activated. There\u2019s no coming back from that. Hope you had fun at your gig. (Okay, I googled, it was back in February at the Hammersmith Apollo<\/a>.)<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n If you liked this, you can help support my work by:<\/p>\n \u2013 leaving me a small tip<\/strong> here<\/a><\/p>\n \u2013 becoming a free or paid subscriber to my newsletter<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n \u2013 buying or preordering one of my novels<\/strong>\u00a0from Amazon<\/a>, Waterstones<\/a>, Bookshop.org<\/a>, or any other lovely retailer<\/p>\n \u2013 retweeting the tweet about this post<\/a>, or sharing the Facebook post about it<\/a><\/p>\n Everything helps.<\/p>\n The comments I make are based on answers given by participants. The Guardian chooses what to publish and usually edits answers to make the column work better on the page. Most things I say are riffing on the answers given and not judgements about the daters themselves, so please be kind to them in comments, replies, and generally on social media. Daters are under no obligation to get along for our benefit, or explain why they do, or don\u2019t, want to see each other again, so please try not to speculate or fill our feeds with hate. I really mean this. Stop it! If you\u2019re one of the daters, get in touch<\/a>\u00a0<\/em>if you want to give me your side of the story. Did you bump into each other at the gig?<\/p>\n Mariana and Oliver ate at Dishoom Kensington<\/a>, London W8. Fancy a blind date? Email blind.date@theguardian.com<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n![\"Mariana](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/theguyliner.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Mariana-and-Oliver.png?ssl=1\")
<\/a>Mariana<\/span> | Oliver<\/span><\/h5>\n
What were you hoping for?
Not to make a fool of myself, as everyone I know (and have dated) reads the Guardian.<\/span><\/h5>\nWhat were you hoping for?
To meet someone new, with similar interests and a potential spark.<\/span><\/h5>\nFirst impressions?
He was fashionably early, which is always a good sign.<\/span><\/h5>\nPunctual (we both arrived five minutes early), a little nervous and pretty.<\/span><\/h5>\n
What did you talk about?
How London is the best city in the world. The greatness of Abba. Oil companies and the cost of living (is anyone talking about anything else?). How we\u2019re both going to the same Ezra Collective gig.<\/span><\/h5>\nWork. Football. Travel. Music. Swimming in cold water. Film. TV. A bit of Brazilian and UK politics.<\/span><\/h5>\n
Most awkward moment?
It was never awkward and we had the gig to talk about. But I don\u2019t think there was much back and forth.<\/span><\/h5>\nShe tried to bring up politics but I worried she was more leftwing than me and we\u2019d clash.<\/span><\/h5>\n
Good table manners?
There was lots of rice on the table when we finished \u2013 which I think is a sign of a good meal (or a small table).<\/span><\/h5>\nImpeccable.<\/span><\/h5>\n
<\/a><\/h5>\nWould you introduce Oliver to your friends?
I think my friends\u2019 energy might scare him a bit.<\/span><\/h5>\nDescribe Oliver in three words.
Friendly, punctual, foodie.<\/span><\/h5>\n
PUNCTUAL<\/strong>, like your grandma or your headteacher would say when talking about you to someone over sixty-five.
FOODIE<\/strong>, like one of those Borough Market terror couples in matching Uniqlo waterproofs who nudge their way to the front of every stall and talk loudly about the olive oil they once bought in Naples while asking to sample cheese which they then dismiss for being \u2018too strong\u2019 \u2013 it is a mild cheddar.<\/p>\nDescribe Mariana in three words.
Stylish, friendly, interesting.<\/span><\/h5>\n
FRIENDLY<\/strong>, like all children are until the sweets stop coming.
INTERESTING<\/strong>, like nobody ever is after three drinks.<\/p>\nWhat do you think he made of you?
That I\u2019m way too obsessed with east London.<\/span><\/h5>\nShe probably thought I was friendly, but that there wasn\u2019t an attraction between us.<\/span><\/h5>\n
And \u2026 did you kiss?
No.<\/span><\/h5>\nNo. Just a polite hug.<\/span><\/h5>\n
Marks out of 10?
I think everyone always deserves a gold star \u2013 that\u2019s why I could never be a teacher!<\/span><\/h5>\n<\/a><\/p>\n7.<\/span><\/h5>\n
Would you meet again?
We will probably bump into each other at that gig, but I don\u2019t think there is a spark between us.<\/span><\/h5>\nMaybe if we bump into each other at the Ezra Collective gig \u2026<\/span><\/h5>\n
Something to remember about the review and the daters that I put at the end of every review<\/h5>\n
Like this:<\/h3>\n