In a week where, if Twitter were a dog, it would be taken to the vet so it could \u2018go live on a farm\u2019, and Match of the Day<\/em> inexplicably became the most important TV show in the country, let us take a brief sojourn into sanity with this week\u2019s Guardian Blind Date.<\/p>\n This week, Divya, a 25-year-old tech consultant, and Kishan, a 27-year-old cancer research technician are within Cupid\u2019s sights. And here they are:<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Will love blossom over dinner for two or will the atmosphere be colder than the tiles on my bathroom floor when I forget to put my slippers on? Well, we\u2019re about to find out; that\u2019s kind of how this thing works.<\/p>\n Read what happened on the date on the Guardian website<\/a>\u00a0\u2013 the mid-date selfie is back! \u2013 and then return here, like a war hero, for a selected rundown of what they said and what it means, or nothing of the sort.<\/p>\n Hmmm I wouldn\u2019t read too much into that. (Excuse the pun.) You know who else reads books?<\/p>\n Exactly.<\/p>\n Nice answer, but I would like to point out to the Guardian subs that you have two different spellings of \u2018easygoing\/easy-going\u2019 in this week\u2019s Blind Date. Can we pull ourselves together, please?<\/p>\n Travel<\/strong> \u2705\u00a0\u2013 Ah, I dunno, call me a bitch if you like \u2013 but make sure you run, fast \u2013 but people who get on planes a lot do love to bore you about it, don\u2019t they? Maybe it\u2019s envy on my part from not being hugely well-travelled, although I\u2019ve been around a bit. I know we have to say something<\/em> on a date, ffs, so I don\u2019t judge them too harshly. And at least they\u2019ve both travelled, so they are sharing stories rather than being lectured by a man who went on a gap year to the same places in The Beach<\/em> over two decades ago and slid down a waterslide once and maybe ate something weird, he\u2019s got pictures if you want to see?<\/p>\n Lord of the Rings<\/strong> \u2013 I would\u2019ve left the room. I\u2019ve only seen one of the films, and I was actually putting the Christmas tree up while it was on \u2013 it was early November \u2013 so was quite distracted by trying to achieve an even light distribution. I had the books and cracked the spine exactly once. I wish Tolkien fans well \u2013 I do remember semi-liking The Hobbit<\/em> when I was small \u2013 but I cannot cope with LOTR chat.<\/p>\n Quoting scenes from Modern Family<\/em> <\/strong>\u2013 My favourite fact about Modern Family<\/em> \u2013 which I do actually like \u2013 is that the producers fell out after series 2 or something, and starting making half a season each, totally separately, with episodes usually alternating. So that\u2019s why the characters usually act completely differently half the time, and why every other episode is terrific, yet the rest are terrible. It\u2019s really, really noticeable once you watch. Anyway, the quoting thing is sweet; my boyfriend and I spent the entire walk from our house into central London last week (around 45 minutes) barking lines from Absolutely Fabulous<\/em> at each other (first three series only, and even then, mainly series one).<\/p>\n Oof. As regular readers will know, I am not a fan of eating on a first date anyway \u2013 but that\u2019s because I look ugly when I eat (and also when I talk, laugh, drink, and breathe but I can only eliminate so many obstacles). But burger and fries is possibly the worst first-date food of them all. It stinks, it sits heavy on your tummy \u2013 which mean your date probably won\u2019t feel like sitting on you if they eat it \u2013 and it is very hard to look bangable when you\u2019re grappling with a slippery quarter pounder which is shedding filling with every nibble. But sometimes you have to think f\u2022ck it, especially when it\u2019s a free meal. It shouldn\u2019t matter what you look like eating, really; they\u2019re going to see your eating face a lot, if the night goes well.<\/p>\n When I see \u2018loaded fries\u2019 on a menu, I (internally) scream involuntarily. I was meeting some friends for dinner the other week and we agreed to meet a pub beforehand. Having lived in the area a decade or so before, I picked the nearest place, some nondescript pub, but when I walked in, I was hit by the smell of loaded fries and half-defrosted pizzas being eaten off enamel plates, selected off menus with large country and western type fonts on them. The pub had not just been gentrified, it had been junkfoodified. Everyone in there looked to be having a great time \u2013 albeit in need of sunlight \u2013 but I suddenly felt 600 years old and dressed like a ponce so I turned on my heels and escaped to the outdoors away from the smell of cheese and jalape\u00f1o and whatever else they were shovelling onto these very anaemic-looking fries.<\/p>\n Anyway enjoy your meal.<\/p>\n Ah, they had a good time. They\u2019re young. Maybe I found loaded fries exciting when I was young, I probably did. I ate carbs as if they were air.<\/p>\n NICE<\/strong>, like, I mean, okay, it\u2019s nice to be nice but I wouldn\u2019t expect to be getting my shirt unbuttoned later if someone described me as \u2018nice\u2019. Not that anyone ever would. FUN<\/strong>, like the waltzers usually are until you remember those two ruby chocolate Magnums you had before you got on. Yep, I\u2019d go along with this. Fourth or fifth date, you\u2019ve pretty much reeled them in by then \u2013 they\u2019re probably willing to watch you demolish a triple-decker bitch-burger with all the trimmings, which will end up in your lap\/cleavage\/coke float, and a bucket of fries which inexplicably have five quarts of tinned tomatoes and a boulder of parmesan sloshed over them.<\/p>\n You\u2019re adults, btw, so if you want to stay out late you can, it\u2019s just that there will be consequences later. I mean, you\u2019ll spend half the night digesting all that shite you\u2019ve been eating, so the chances of proper sleep are minimal, so frankly you might as well be out all night.<\/p>\n Not this. Not again. This is, like, the third couple this year I think. Is this where we\u2019re heading? This is part of coming on the Guardian Blind Date<\/em> show: you score the evening, or the person, or whatever, you don\u2019t even have to clarify which.\u00a0Why are people becoming so frightened of this?<\/p>\n If in doubt, score each other an 8 and go back to your lives! Make it up! We\u2019ll definitely know, anyway.<\/p>\n Anyway, you leave me no option. Divya, I sense your score would\u2019ve been a 7, and Kishan, I\u2019m guessing you\u2019d have said the same, but would\u2019ve meant an 8.<\/p>\n See? It\u2019s easy.<\/p>\n Oh so you CAN use numbers. May you share many more bowls of disgusting fries. x<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n If you enjoyed this<\/strong>, consider:<\/p>\n \u2013 \u00a0leaving me a small tip on Ko-fi<\/a>. \u2013\u00a0becoming a free or paid subscriber to my weekly newsletter<\/a><\/p>\n \u2013 preordering the paperback of my third novel THE FAKE-UP, out in May, from Amazon<\/a>, Waterstones<\/a>, Bookshop.org<\/a>, or any other lovely retailer.<\/p>\n The comments I make are based on answers given by participants. The Guardian chooses what to publish and usually edits answers to make the column work better on the page. Most things I say are riffing on the answers given and not judgements about the daters themselves, so please be kind to them in comments, replies, and generally on social media. Daters are under no obligation to get along for our benefit, or explain why they do, or don\u2019t, want to see each other again, so please try not to speculate or fill our feeds with hate. I really mean this. Stop it! If you\u2019re one of the daters, get in touch<\/a>\u00a0<\/em>if you want to give me your side of the story. What was on the fries?<\/p>\n Divya and Kishan ate at Valderrama\u2019s<\/a>, London N1. Fancy a blind date? Email blind.date@theguardian.com<\/a><\/p>\n![\"Divya](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/theguyliner.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/IMG_4402-e1678522325679.png?ssl=1\")
<\/a>Divya<\/span> | Kishan<\/span><\/h5>\n
First impressions?
Smart, well read (he was reading a book when I came in), nice.<\/span><\/h5>\n<\/a>First impressions?
Easygoing and sweet. She made the night very relaxing.<\/span><\/h5>\nWhat did you talk about?
Where we live\/grew up. Our Indian roots. Lord of the Rings. Standup comedy. Our worst travel experiences.<\/span><\/h5>\nTravel stories. Our favourite TV shows \u2026 we ended up quoting scenes from Modern Family to each other.<\/span><\/h5>\n
Most awkward moment?
When I tried to get some of the fries we were sharing on to my plate and they dropped unceremoniously off my fork.<\/span><\/h5>\nThe burgers \u2013 not the most graceful of meals to eat on a first date.<\/span><\/h5>\n
<\/a><\/p>\nGood table manners?
Well, we were eating loaded fried-chicken burgers and fries, so considering that, yeah, definitely.<\/span><\/h5>\nLike I said, messy burger, so in that context I didn\u2019t notice anything out of the ordinary.<\/span><\/h5>\n
<\/a>Best thing about them?
He was really friendly and easy to speak to.<\/span><\/h5>\nHer confidence: she knows what she wants.<\/span><\/h5>\n
Describe Kishan in three words.
Nice, funny and easy-going.<\/span><\/h5>\n
FUNNY<\/strong>, like a joke told by a comedian who\u2019s actually sat and written decent material, not some bantersaurus who thinks Boris is a \u2018lad\u2019 and has a shower of replies from people with flags and \u2018no DMs\u2019 in their Twitter bio.
EASY-GOING<\/strong>, like, so we are hyphenating this or not? Can we make up our mind?<\/p>\nDescribe Divya in three words.<\/span>
Fun, confident and sweet.<\/span><\/h5>\n
CONFIDENT<\/strong>, like a dog in a bow-tie walking into a butcher\u2019s shop and asking for a pound of sausages.
SWEET<\/strong>, like revenge. Or Maoam.<\/p>\nIf you could change one thing about the evening what would it be?
The food was amazing but a bit messy \u2013 it was definitely more of a fourth- or fifth-date kind of menu.<\/span><\/h5>\nIf you could change one thing about the evening what would it be?
I wish it hadn\u2019t been a school night, so we could have stayed longer.<\/span><\/h5>\n<\/a><\/p>\nMarks out of 10?
It was a good first date is all I\u2019ll say.<\/span><\/h5>\nI\u2019m not going to use numbers.<\/span><\/h5>\n
<\/a><\/p>\nWould you meet again?
Yes.<\/span><\/h5>\nWe\u2019ve exchanged phone numbers, so let\u2019s see what happens.<\/span><\/h5>\n
<\/a><\/p>\nSomething to remember about the review and the daters that I put at the end of every review<\/h5>\n
Like this:<\/h3>\n