February! Imagine looking forward to February! But we did, and now we\u2019ve got our wish. The year\u2019s shortest and for years, until everyone you know decided to ruin Christmas and get engaged all around you, the most romantic month. But will love blossom for 27-year-old Suraiya, a trader \u2013 finance, not market \u2013 and Gary, 30, a TV producer?<\/p>\n
Interesting \u2013 in a way that people who perhaps don\u2019t get out much might use the word \u2013 that the mag carries a different photo of Gary from the online version. Online version: stroking his top lip like Poirot about to expose a trembling tearful flapper as a cold-blooded murderess. Print: Paul McCartney showing Heather Mills where the door is. Strange.<\/p>\n Anyway, read all about how they got hammered on somebody else\u2019s dime on the Guardian website<\/a> and then return here for the debrief.<\/p>\n Honestly. Dry January. Why do it to yourselves? I don\u2019t drink alcohol at all and haven\u2019t done for a few years now \u2013 and I don\u2019t really mind January, I just pretend it\u2019s awful, it feels like something I should do \u2013 but why deny yourselves? Do Dry February instead: it\u2019s a shorter month, and the weather usually takes a psychotic turn so you won\u2019t mind staying in at home watching the flakes in your Velvetiser go round and round.<\/p>\n Alliteration! I\u2019m a fan of it, generally. I know more, er, literary types look down on things like alliteration and adverbs \u2013 always the sign of someone showing off in front of guests if they slag off writers who use adverbs \u2013 but, you know, it\u2019s okay for reading to be playful. Although you should definitely use alliteration sparingly to avoid looking like an \u2018everything must go\u2019 A-board outside Mike\u2019s Carpets, Armley, Leeds.<\/p>\n \u2018Before proceeding to\u2019 always reminds me of a copper reading off their notes in a courtroom. I\u2019m not sure you can really \u2018smash through\u2019 four tiny flutes of sparkling wine. They take seconds to drink, unless you sip. And who\u2019s sipping these days, aside from dowager countesses and cats curious enough by the fruity smell to taste your bathwater (while you sit in it, screaming at them to leave you alone). Also \u2018rocked up in a leather jacket\u2019 makes me think Gary may have led quite a sheltered life. Maybe he wouldn\u2019t wear that orange shirt in his hometown in case someone shouted at him from a passing taxi.<\/p>\n Idris Elba<\/strong> \u2013 If I\u2019d worked with Idros Elba and was trying to impress a woman, I would mention this. He seems to have quite a liquefying effect on many women (and some men), doesn\u2019t he? One day, I\u2019d love to see a crossover between Idris\u2019s Luther<\/em> and Sarah Lancashire\u2019s Catherine Cawood from Happy Valley<\/em>, the only TV cops you can truly root for.<\/p>\n Birmingham<\/strong> \u2013 I have NEVER been! I think that\u2019s actually shameful and I would like to remedy that.<\/p>\n Shoehorning Arctic Monkeys into the conversation<\/strong> \u2013 What on Earth for?<\/p>\n Everyone, come quick, it\u2019s a good old-fashioned date where they get legless because someone else is paying. I know we shouldn\u2019t condone getting hammered these days because it\u2019s problematic in all sorts of ways but the good thing about being young is your body doesn\u2019t yet know what it is to be old. It\u2019s a far-off concept, as real to you as the zenith of Mont Blanc or winning the lottery. You know it\u2019s possible, but feel totally untouched by it. So, as long as you\u2019re not doing it for the wrong reasons (what are the right ones? No idea) then if you\u2019re young and like the fuzzy comfort of a 12-hour hangover where you just eat pizza and binge 30 Rock<\/em> all day, you might as well get wasted.<\/p>\n Also: the restaurant *ran out* of gin and vodka?! Couldn\u2019t someone run out to the shop? Oh, I see the restaurant was in deepest Notting Hill, where you can buy a \u00a3750 bottle of champagne or an artisanal pheasant roulade, but Costcutters selling \u00a312 bottles of Tsarina vodka are in short supply.<\/p>\n Sending a dating couple to a fish restaurant feels like something a \u2018no sex before marriage\u2019 purity ring organisation would do. I could not, and would not, allow myself to be touched intimately by anyone who had peeled a prawn in front of me.<\/p>\n Equally, I would struggle to maintain any sexual feelings for anyone who\u2019d just throat-goated an oyster in front of me too. I tried them once \u2013 it tasted like someone had lifted the linoleum on the ocean floor and served whatever sweepings were underneath.<\/p>\n CONFIDENT<\/strong>, like a man limbering up on the top diving board in slightly baggy speedos. DRIVEN<\/strong>, like a Cinquecento down a high street that contains no fewer than three Superdrugs and a Caff\u00e8 Nero. H A M M E R E D, in other words. Do they even remember being on this date?<\/p>\n \u2018Oooooooooooh\u2019 etc.<\/p>\n This reminds me of being 14 and people coming into school on Monday morning and claiming they got \u2018really drunk\u2019 at the weekend and when asked on what, just listed every drink they\u2019d ever seen in their parents\u2019 drinks cabinets (I had some very middle-class friends) or whatever they could remember from the shelf in the off-licence where they\u2019d bought their (illicit) chewing gum on the way in.<\/p>\n Old-school? It\u2019s marks out of ten. The only thing more old-school than marks out of ten is marks out of five, because the cavemen couldn\u2019t count up to ten yet. Wtf?<\/p>\n In a revelation that makes me feel 800 years old, A* grades did not exist when I did my exams, and they ceased to be in 2017, apparently, so I suppose, to some, six years ago is old-school. To me, it is LAST WEEK.\u00a0Anyway, you can\u2019t give an A* so I\u2019ll assume this is\u2026 I dunno. 11\/10?<\/p>\n Well, it\u2019s better than nothing. Here\u2019s to both of you!<\/p>\n To support my work, consider leaving me a small tip on Ko-fi<\/a>. Become a free or paid subscriber to my weekly newsletter<\/a>, which is often quite good.<\/p>\n Please buy one of my books<\/a>.<\/p>\n Make sure you watch Happy Valley<\/em> on Sunday, BBC1, 9pm. Can\u2019t wait for people to rush onto social media saying Sarah Lancashire \u2018deserves all the awards\u2019 \u2013 ugh it really gives me the ick, I don\u2019t know why. (Also: she doesn\u2019t deserve them ALL. What about Best Cinematography? Best Short Animated Film? Most Performed Song? Most Horrible Thing in the Smash Hits<\/em> Poll 1991? She cant win them all; it\u2019s physically impossible.)<\/p>\n The comments I make are based on answers given by participants. The Guardian chooses what to publish and usually edits answers to make the column work better on the page. Most things I say are riffing on the answers given and not judgements about the daters themselves, so please be kind to them in comments, replies, and generally on social media. Daters are under no obligation to get along for our benefit, or explain why they do, or don\u2019t, want to see each other again, so please try not to speculate or fill our feeds with hate. If you\u2019re one of the daters, <\/i>get in touch<\/a><\/em>\u00a0if you want to give me your side of the story. You\u00a0will\u00a0probably see more\u00a0celebs in the Waitrose on Marylebone High St, just a tip.<\/i><\/p>\n Suraiya and Gary ate at The Orasay<\/a>, London, W11. Fancy a blind date? Email blind.date@theguardian.com<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n![\"Suraiya](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/theguyliner.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/02\/Suraiya-Gary-full.png?ssl=1\")
<\/a>Suraiya on Gary<\/span> | Gary on Suraiya<\/span><\/h5>\n
What were you hoping for?
An evening worth breaking Dry January for.<\/span><\/h5>\n<\/a>What were you hoping for?
An evening of fun, flirting and fish.<\/span><\/h5>\nFirst impressions?
Nicely dressed and bubbly \u2013 my initial nerves disappeared within a few minutes. He had lots of energy.<\/span><\/h5>\nVery cute. She rocked up in a leather jacket and told me she was abstaining from alcohol for a couple of months, before proceeding to smash through four glasses of sparkling wine.<\/span><\/h5>\n
What did you talk about?
His several encounters with Idris Elba. Kebabs. TV. Birmingham, where we are both from, though I moved to London aged nine. Babies, and his desire to have them.<\/span><\/h5>\nHer DJing days. I shoehorned Arctic Monkeys into the conversation, but it was met with a blank expression.<\/span><\/h5>\n
<\/a>Most awkward moment?
When I resorted to drinking straight brandy. In my defence, I couldn\u2019t drink any more wine and the restaurant had run out of gin and vodka.<\/span><\/h5>\nWhen I asked, \u201cHas the booze hit you yet?\u201d while knocking over my own drink.<\/span><\/h5>\n
Good table manners?
Perfect \u2013 he was a gent and let me have the last prawn.<\/span><\/h5>\nShe had amazing prawn-peeling skills.<\/span><\/h5>\n
Best thing about Gary?
So easy to talk to. He tried an oyster for the first time \u2013 pretty impressive.<\/span><\/h5>\nDescribe Gary in three words.
Confident, energetic, Brummie.<\/span><\/h5>\n
ENERGETIC<\/strong>, like Geri Halliwell racing to the end-of-season sale of a shop that sells only white floaty dresses.
BRUMMIE<\/strong>, like someone from Birmingham. I would probably be slightly concerned if one of the three top adjectives used to describe me was where I\u2019m from. It would be like saying \u2018BREATHING\u2019 or \u2018HUMAN\u2019.<\/p>\nDescribe Suraiya in three words.
Driven, fun, chilled.<\/span><\/h5>\n
FUN<\/strong>, like the last ten minutes of Happy Valley<\/em> are very unlikely to be.
CHILLED<\/strong>, like Suraiya does not sound in any way, shape or form, bless her.<\/p>\nWhat do you think they made of you?
Probably a bit clumsy. I almost walked into a glass door.<\/span><\/h5>\nI\u2019ve absolutely no idea.<\/span><\/h5>\n
Did you go on somewhere?
We went to Soho House for a few more drinks. We were hoping to catch a glimpse of a celeb but we were unlucky.<\/span><\/h5>\nWe had a few drinks at Soho House.<\/span><\/h5>\n
<\/a>And \u2026 did you kiss?
No.<\/span><\/h5>\nWe didn\u2019t.<\/span><\/h5>\n
<\/a>If you could change one thing about the evening what would it be?
I\u2019d stick to sparkling wine instead of going rogue with the brandy \u2013 my head felt rather sore the morning after.<\/span><\/h5>\nI ended up with a glass of red, a white and a tumbler of Laphroaig. Trying to neck all of those was a bad idea.<\/span><\/h5>\n
Marks out of 10?
8.<\/span><\/h5>\nLet\u2019s go old-school: A*<\/span><\/h5>\n
<\/a>Would you meet again?
I\u2019m sure we would.<\/span><\/h5>\nWould you meet again?
I would, though I\u2019m not sure there was a romantic vibe.<\/span><\/h5>\n<\/a><\/a><\/p>\nSomething to remember about the review and the daters that I put at the end of every review<\/h5>\n
Like this:<\/h3>\n