You could be forgiven for thinking we\u2019ve accidentally stumbled upon the queue for autographs at a Doctor Who fan event, but NO, we are actually in the middle of a Guardian Blind Date featuring Alec, a\u00a023-year-old PhD law student at Cambridge and Shitong, a 25-year-old PhD chemistry student at Oxford. Oh GOOD, I\u2019m so glad to finally see Oxford and Cambridge getting some long overdue representation in the national press. But I am an equal opportunities filleter so am happy to critique whoever comes my way.<\/p>\n As we can see, this is something of a treat for the kind of person who leaves \u2018feet pics?!??\u2019 comments under young TikTokers\u2019 videos \u2013 not only does Alec appear to have given up on shoes altogether, but Shitong has one of those ski boot things on because she\u2019s obviously broken something. Unless it\u2019s fashion, and I am finally free of the zeitgeist. Hard to see here whether Alec\u2019s socks are in a Tube train moquette pattern, but I would say the chances are high. Read what they got up to on the date<\/a> and then return here for the \u2018highlights\u2019 with annotations.<\/p>\n Do they still make films like that? Jumanji, maybe? What kind of game do you think you\u2019re in, Alec? Tetris? Super Mario? Scrabble? A quick game of rummy with an elderly relative. (I read this morning that during the height of the pandemic, Rupert Murdoch and Jerry Hall used to spend their evenings playing rummy \u2013 now *that* is two strangers suddenly transported into a bizarre game.<\/p>\n Of course what we really need to know is\u2026 was he wearing any shoes on the date and how awful must they have been for him to want to take them off for the photo? Jelly bean sandals? A pair of navy blue Clarks with Peppa Pig velcro straps? Aguilera-era Skechers?<\/p>\n Why it\u2019s hard to be a PhD student<\/strong> \u2013 Y\u2019know, it\u2019s the gritty, relatable realism that keeps me glued to the Blind Date after all these years.<\/p>\n One of his horrible landlords<\/strong> \u2013 Landlord chat, there\u2019s so much of it at the moment. Do you think we\u2019re nearing an uprising? Are we all going to set fire to our short-term tenancy agreements for our \u2018dwellings\u2019 and start drying our washing on our balconies in an act of rebellion? I\u2019ve started to think a lot recently about my \u2018failure\u2019 to secure what people with generational wealth like to call \u2018property\u2019. I\u2019m 47 now, I won\u2019t get a mortgage anyway, even if I had the deposit, and in the unlikely event those particular stars did align, I\u2019d have to move somewhere I don\u2019t want to live \u2013 and, as a gay man, perhaps somewhere I don\u2019t feel safe. The thing is, growing up in rented accommodation, I never expected to be able to buy a house one day, it always felt like something out of my reach. Indeed, there are many, many people who haven\u2019t been able to afford to buy a house, and have lived in precarious arrangements, for decades, yet the crisis is only taking up so much column-space these days because now even middle-class people can\u2019t afford to buy somewhere. I wrote about this back when I was 40<\/a>, and slightly less f\u2022cked than I am now.<\/p>\n The bad luck of breaking a leg before a holiday<\/strong> \u2013 I find the solution to this is to never take holidays, or break your leg, in the first place.<\/p>\n I know everyone deserves to have fun at work but it\u2019s a real shame when waiters do this. That First Dates<\/em> show \u2013 which I loathe, sorry \u2013 has a lot to answer for.<\/p>\n Ah come on, restaurants. There\u2019s no excuse now, is there, really? Every other person you meet is vegan or vegetarian or flexitarian or pescatarian or whatever \u2013 we need to think a bit smarter than a plate of risotto or a salad with all the fun bits taken out. (Unusual to have fun and salad in the same sentence, I know, apologies to anyone who sustained whiplash from reading that line again.)<\/p>\n I mean, I\u2019ll be honest, going by these two answers, I\u2019m erring toward the conspiracy theory that these two have been manufactured in a focus group funded by Disney, Hallmark, and Lola\u2019s Cupcakes. But also: these are nice things to say and they do seem like very sweet people.<\/p>\n INSPIRING<\/strong>, like the woman the other week who was competing in a marathon but went by car some of the way. By CAR. Iconic behaviour. FUNNY<\/strong> (again), like turning up for a date with a broken leg, I guess. Quite a good start for a rom-com \u2013 authors\u2019 fingers are POISED over the keyboard to start penning \u2018LUCKY BREAK\u2019 the story of two hapless romantics with broken legs in adjoining A&E cubicles who start to fight over the last ski boot in the underfunded casualty department before deciding maybe they could\u2026 share? Or something else equally improbable. I have never, ever, ever had a \u2018nice walk in the rain\u2019 in my life. I hate rain. Loathe it with ever fibre of my being. I refuse to engage with it or entertain any idea that rain is romantic and that being piss-wet through is somehow sexy. I do not look good wet. Some people do, and I\u2019m happy for them, actually I\u2019m not. Not at all. \u2018Rain is good for the garden\u2019, some might say \u2013 bitch, I\u2019m not a tulip.<\/p>\n As I have mentioned many times before, platonic connections are much harder to forge than romantic ones \u2013 lust, like turps, can be a cheap and obfuscating accelerant \u2013 so when the couples get on at all, I consider it a victory. Yes, I would love to go to another Blind Date wedding but the reason fairytales are so magical and fantastical is because they hardly ever happen. The rest of us just have to settle with choosing the least annoying of the three blokes who text \u2018Hey\u2019 and \u2018you up???\u2019 repeatedly throughout the night until you cave and answer.<\/p>\n See? Rain may come from above but it is, frankly, Satan\u2019s water.<\/p>\n Now this is a very interesting point for further comments. As we all know, 8 is the standard score for a good time with zero sexual chemistry, but this last-minute qualifier from Shitong? Is she saying \u2018I had some very eye-opening conversations with him, which turned this 7 into an 8\u2019? OR is she saying \u2018I had some very eye-opening<\/em> conversations with him, which sent my 9 back down to an 8\u2032? We\u2019ll never know.<\/p>\n Alec\u2019s 10 is very sweet, or perhaps an in-joke that he\u2019s dressed as the 10th doctor (while Shitong is, obviously, the 9th).<\/p>\n Ah, bless you both. Farewell my sweet, shoeless boffins. May you both eventually get the P, the h, and the D that you deserve.<\/p>\n Did you like this?<\/p>\n Subscribe to my Substack<\/a><\/p>\n The most recent post was about cherry blossoms<\/a> \u2013 except it wasn\u2019t, not really.<\/p>\n The paperback of my third novel THE FAKE-UP<\/strong> arrives 18 May. Preorder from Amazon<\/a>, Waterstones<\/a>, Bookshop.org<\/a>, or any other lovely retailer.<\/p>\n The comments I make are based on answers given by participants. The Guardian chooses what to publish and usually edits answers to make the column work better on the page. Most things I say are riffing on the answers given and not judgements about the daters themselves, so please be kind to them in comments, replies, and generally on social media. Daters are under no obligation to get along for our benefit, or explain why they do, or don\u2019t, want to see each other again, so please try not to speculate or fill our feeds with hate. If you\u2019re one of the daters, <\/i>get in touch<\/a><\/em>\u00a0if you want to give me your side of the story. So\u00a0many questions: The broken leg \u2013 how? The lack of shoes \u2013 why? The socks \u2013 Tube moquette, right?<\/i><\/p>\n Alec and Shitong ate at Wilding<\/a>, Oxford. Fancy a blind date? Email blind.date@theguardian.com<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n![\"Alex](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/theguyliner.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/Alex-and-Shitong-full-length.png?ssl=1\")
<\/a>Alec<\/span> | Shitong<\/span><\/h5>\n
First impressions?
Friendly, a little nervous. The situation felt surreal, like one of those films where two strangers are suddenly transported into a bizarre game.<\/span><\/h5>\nFirst impressions?
He seems like a very cool guy.<\/span><\/h5>\nWhat did you talk about?
Her research into cancer-killing metals. Why it\u2019s hard to be a PhD student. Standup comedy. The bad luck of breaking a leg before a holiday.<\/span><\/h5>\nOne of his horrible landlords. Daydreaming. General life goals.<\/span><\/h5>\n
Most awkward moment?
All the waiters knew it was a blind date and kept winking or smiling knowingly. It felt like The Truman Show.<\/span><\/h5>\nMost awkward moment?
When I realised that he was a vegan and there were very limited options on the menu.<\/span><\/h5>\n<\/a><\/p>\nGood table manners?
The best! Everything flowed.<\/span><\/h5>\nAbsolutely. Beetroot lovers generally have impressive table manners.<\/span><\/h5>\n
<\/a><\/p>\nBest thing about them?
Impossible to say. She\u2019s an incredible person \u2013 maybe her curiosity and love of adventure.<\/span><\/h5>\nHis life seems to be full of surprising and fascinating encounters with strangers.<\/span><\/h5>\n
Describe Shitong in three words.
Inspiring, funny, kind.<\/span><\/h5>\n
FUNNY<\/strong>, like the idea of taking your shoes off to pose for a photo. I mean, I\u2019m obsessed. Had he stood in dog shit, or something? Horrible shoes? Wet from the rain?
KIND<\/strong>, like someone who works in Boots and tells you, in a quiet corner, that no, they don\u2019t sell anything over-the-counter for gonorrhoea.<\/p>\nDescribe Alec in three words.
Funny, genuine, imaginative.<\/span><\/h5>\n
GENUINE<\/strong>, like the fiver I\u2019d give you to shout \u2018DIANA CURSES YOU\u2019 out loud during the Coronation procession.
IMAGINATIVE<\/strong>, like I used to be before yet another bout of covid turned my brain to soup.<\/p>\nDid you go on somewhere?
We didn\u2019t have enough time as I had to catch a train, but we had a nice walk in the rain to the station.<\/span><\/h5>\n<\/a><\/p>\nAnd \u2026 did you kiss?
Nope, it was more of a platonic evening.<\/span><\/h5>\nNo.<\/span><\/h5>\n
If you could change one thing about the evening what would it be?
I wish I hadn\u2019t been soaking wet from the rain when we hugged goodbye.<\/span><\/h5>\nMarks out of 10?
10.<\/span><\/h5>\n8. I had some very eye-opening conversations with him.<\/span><\/h5>\n
<\/a>Would you meet again?
Certainly, if she wants to, though I forgot to exchange numbers.<\/span><\/h5>\nProbably, as friends.<\/span><\/h5>\n
<\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/p>\nSomething to remember about the review and the daters that I put at the end of every review<\/h5>\n
Like this:<\/h3>\n